Forgiveness - 2

Ray II, old Ray, Fletcher K, Kevin S

It is not our natural instinct to forgive. We saw in yesterday's post the more common ways we handle hurt and resentment. Let's look at the negative ramifications of the results: an unforgiving spirit that is like an addiction. Holding a grudge feels better immediately but destroys in the long run. An unforgiving spirit has control over us like prison bars to an inmate.

Unforgiveness freezes children and teenagers into the offended time frame and an area of emotional growth stops. It seems we actually lock into what we resent. Like the 14 year-old boy who angrily retorts: "I'm never going to let a woman dominate me like Mom does." That resentful statement locks him into that 14 year-old mind set. A powerful and substantial amount of emotional energy is focused on the offensive time and offender. He becomes emotionally enslaved. Emotional growth in that area stops and his relationship with women is forever stilted.

Or, the 17 year-old gal who resents her alcoholic father often finds herself at age 35 married to an alcoholic husband. An unforgiving spirit locks us into that which we resent.

An unforgiving spirit is the cause of a host of physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and relational torment. Jesus describes it in a parable found in Matthew 18:21-35. It is the story of the unforgiving servant whose end result was being thrown to the tormentors. And the King was angry and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due him. So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if you from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.

So shall my heavenly Father do also unto you. Obviously resentment is not the only cause of this range of problems but in my counseling experience, an unforgiving spirit is the number one root of personal dysfunction (torment).

This is corroborated by an Atlanta conference held recently. Some 40 researchers met to review what they're finding in probing the healing power of forgiving. One study showed that giving up grudges can reduce chronic back pain. Another found that forgiveness limited relapses among women battling substance-abuse problems. One intriguing project discussed at the event -- run by the nonprofit Campaign for Forgiveness Research -- used MRI scans to explore how just thinking about empathy and reconciliation sparks activity in the brain's left middle temporal gyrus, suggesting we all have a mental forgiveness center set to be tapped.

Fred Luskin, PhD, director of Stanford University's Forgiveness Project and author of "Forgive for Good," emphasizes that forgiving doesn't mean condoning the offense. He has found that letting go of a grudge can slash one's stress level by up to 50 percent. Volunteers in his studies also have shown improvements in energy, mood, sleep quality and overall physical vitality. "Carrying around a load of bitterness and anger at how unfairly you were treated is very toxic," says Luskin.

More tomorrow on the devastation of an unforgiving spirit.