Identity based on Forgiveness

We pick up the topic "Search for Identity" after our brief interlude with the NNU basketball team.

Our last sessions in building a godly self perception challenged us to face any issues that we could be carrying that detract from a positive self esteem. The number one issue I’ve seen is not grappling successfully with the memories of those who have hurt us.

Resentment lies smoldering and burning away our godly image. One of the hardest tasks in the construction of a healthy self image is the challenge to forgive those who have wronged us. The Bible tells us in:
Colossians 3:13-15 LB Be gentle and ready to forgive; never hold grudges. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

Your child was murdered by a gunman or killed by a drunk driver. What do you feel? What do you do? You've been abused badly as a child. What did this do to you? How did you handle it? You find your spouse in bed with your best friend. How did this affect you?

All of us have experienced some degree of relational pain and have someone to forgive. Think of a personal example. It may not be as dramatic as those just mentioned, possibly more the typical feelings of rejection from an unloving parent, spouse or friend. Or the pain may come from feelings of being used, taken advantage of or taken for granted. How have you dealt with it?

Typical pattern of handling hurt\resentment:
1. Revenge\punish by attacking, literally or mentally. The school murderers were boys who among other things had been teased much, had been put down, had had enough and got their revenge. Literal revenge. A client of mine retaliated by thinking of driving his car into his offender's house, destroying the house. Mental vengeance. Gossiping about the offender is a common expression of punishment. Smudge his character to get even. However, as we take this natural path let's be reminded of Romans 12:19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.

2. Stuffing it and becoming cynical, spewing the cynicism and resentment on others.
3. Withdrawing to protect oneself or to punish the offender.

4. Try to forget and cover up with food, drugs or some other anesthesia
5. Rationalize\spiritualize - "he didn't mean it. He had a bad day. He had a bad childhood. All things work together for good." These are all mental escapes, a minimizing, a diluting of the pain.

6. Deny (If the pain is severe enough, repression takes place leading to severe psychiatric problems.) - usually found in ruthless childhood abuse.
7. Shallow - a quick acknowledgement and forgiveness but not really digging into the depths of pain and processing it. A beginning of but not finishing the forgiving process.

Which of these may apply to you? Sometimes our closest friend can give us insight into ourselves that we don't see ourselves. You might show this list to him/her and ask for input.

Tomorrow's post continues with the forgiving topic.