- soaking it up.The forgiving process: awareness of what needs forgiving; prayer for the desire to forgive; the decision to forgive -
which leads us to the next concern - reconciliation. Romans 12:18 tells us: If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
"If I forgive, do I need to restore relationship with the offender?" is often a question asked in fear because the one who committed the offensive act(s) was a parent who was a sexual or emotional abuser. Reconciliation could place you back in a position of repeat abuse or if grandchildren are involved, they could be mistreated.
Forgiveness and reconciliation are two different issues. We're not obligated to trust an adversary for reconciliation, but we are compelled to forgive!
Reconciliation depends on the offender renouncing his previous hurtful action, repenting and taking steps to insure that it will unlikely happen again. With a repentant spirit and obvious remedial activity, the offender builds back trust slowly for reconciliation to take place. The remedial activity could be long term counseling, accountability with a group, active pursuit of growth through study, church, workshops, etc.
In this manner the one offended will be receptive to reconciliation as the forgiveness process is completed. Luke 17:3 says "If he repents, forgive him ..." This does not mean we forgive only if an offender repents. It means that for restoration of relationship, the offender must demonstrate a repentant attitude and behavior. Without this, reconciliation is not possible.
How true this is even in marriage. Abuse may continue. A forgiving spirit must remain cultivated toward the offender, but that doesn't mean the offended lies down and becomes a doormat. Physical or extreme emotional abuse must not continue. There are options for the offended.
Matthew 18:15-18 would instruct that the church is to be brought into the action with confrontation if personal and group encounter doesn't produce results in the offenders life.
There is a church in Central Los Angeles that interprets the Matthew 18 passage this way. If a woman comes to a leader of the church with a complaint regarding physical abuse from her husband, the man is confronted and warned that if abuse happens again, four men will pay him a not so kindly visit that will definitely curtail his desire to abuse again.
Another option may be separation to prevent the continued abuse.
Forgiveness and reconciliation are not synonymous! Tomorrow: repentance
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